Silence isn't Golden Anymore

    This is your formal warning.

    I am telling you now, but this is long overdue. I am making it clear, so that you will not be surprised. 

    I will not be silent anymore. Not to spare your feelings. Not to keep the dinner conversation light and friendly. I'm done. Beating around the bush has gotten us nowhere.

    I've been going back and forth on whether I should write this or not. This is a time to amplify the voices of the marginalized, a time to let them speak for themselves. I don't want to take up space when there is so little to go around as it is, because that only compounds the problem. Another privileged voice in a sea of privileged voices. But then Orlando. Then Alton Sterling. Then Philando Castile. 

    Then I remembered the words of those wiser than I am.

    So this is it: If you say something racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic, Anti-Semitic, xenophobic, ableist, agist, or bigoted in any way, I am going to say something too. That's it. You don't get to say whatever you want without consequences around me anymore. You don't get to live a carefree life wherein all your friends or loved ones give you a free pass to mutter a few ignorant things because they love you and they don't want to hurt your feelings. I can't worry about your feelings anymore. Black people and trans people and Muslim people and queer people need for me to stop worrying about your feelings, because it isn't feelings at stake for them. 

    White people, straight people, Christian people, cisgendered people, we tiptoe around one another. No one wants to be told that they believe something that is actually rooted in bigotry. It makes us feel guilty. It makes us feel culpable. I get that. I get the discomfort. I've felt the discomfort. I have also been blessed to have people in my life who challenge me when I say something terrible. I praise Jesus for those people. They make me better. I want to be better. Being better means taking corrections when they are given. Being better means understanding that sometimes I'm wrong, and that's okay as long as I actually do something about it. 

    Being better means loving and respecting people who have less privilege than I do enough to speak up for them, to fight for them. 

    Being better means loving and respecting you enough to tell you when you've said something wrong, when you're believing misinformation, when you're standing on the side of the oppressor instead of the side of the oppressed. 

    There is no room for awkwardness now. There is no space for fear and trembling. People are dying. While they die, a host of humans just like me argue against the tragedy of it, argue against finding solutions for it, because it feels better to deny a problem than face it head on. After all, if there's a problem, and people like you created it, and people like you benefit from it, then it's people like you who have to fix it. And most humans can't stomach being part of the problem. And most humans don't care enough to be part of the solution. 

    People like you... People like me. That's why I'm speaking up. Maybe people like me will actually listen to someone like them, because they definitely aren't listening to anyone else. I have a voice. I have the freedom and ability to stand up and fight back when others can't. I'm done making excuses for my silence, and I am done making excuses for yours. I am done sweetly overlooking the comment you made about Beyonce or Caitlyn Jenner. I am done with telling myself "this isn't the time" "don't start a fight" "don't make it awkward" "they won't listen anyway."

    I am done with allowing you to believe that I am not outraged and deeply offended by bigotry, and injustice, and the systems in place that allow it to carry on unchecked.  

    I will be kind. I will do my best to be patient - though it isn't one of my strengths. Jesus loves you, and I love you too. This isn't because I want you to suffer for your misconceptions. This is because enough is enough. I love you too much to allow this to go on. I love my black friends, and Muslim friends, and LGBT+ friends, and Jewish friends too much to let them go undefended. 

    

Shelley Duvall, You Did This To Me.

    I was doomed to be a geek from the beginning. It wasn't a choice; it was fate. I blame Shelley Duvall. 

Here she is as Rapunzel with magical Rapunzel tears.

    See, Shelley Duvall had this wonderful television show called "Faerie Tale Theatre." She and her merry band of thespians - which, by the by, included the likes of Robin Williams, Jeff Goldblum, Eric Idle, Mick Jagger... - performed, you guessed it, fairy tales. They were wonderful, and I loved them from the start. I wanted to be in my own fairy tale as a result. 

Jeff Goldblum as the big, bad wolf. You are welcome.

    I didn't necessarily want to be the princess, although, let's be honest, being the pretty girl the hot guy couldn't get out of his head wasn't an altogether unappealing idea. I wanted to be much more than the princess. I wanted to be the princess/dragon slayer/magical being, who also happened to be hilariously funny with dazzling senses of fashion, irony, and right and wrong. Also, I wanted good hair, because I'm not demanding at all. 
   Being a geek and a girl was hard. I could read nearly perfect stories like The Chronicles of Narnia, which did, at least in this example, have clever and good female protagonists, but even then, the girls weren't usually the brave warrior characters. They were generally quite sweet and soft-spoken with long, flaxen waves and the grace of a prima ballerina. I wasn't...really...any of those things... 
    I'm loud, and random, and sort of fierce and intense. I tend to injure myself because I'm too harsh with everyday objects like can openers and pencils. I'm also blunt, sarcastic, and a enjoy a healthy dose of dark humor. I didn't read comic books, because I'm a fantasy geek. I also happen to have what I deem an "aversion" to heroines in skimpy clothing. (Not that they're bad, but do we really need to see a girl's cleavage to buy her as a butt-kicker?) Long story short, I was almost wholly without role models in nerd culture.
    Where are the stories for girls? When am I gonna get a chance to be the hero?
    It is with these questions in mind that I set out to write my own stories, and that is exactly what I am attempting to do. 
    I'm a writer. I'm a nerd. I'm a feminist. And, because it will be pertinent in the future and is the most important part of who I am, I'm a follower of Christ. I'm also wildly opinionated and tend to ramble. If you are interested in any of these points, stick around. I might say something worth reading. Maybe not, but there's always hope.